Beyond the principles that make marriages work, there is the need to understand your spouse’s peculiar traits and navigate them for the success of your marriage. Those principles of love, patience, loyalty, etc, have shades of deployments that make for differences in marriage.
What to know about your spouse
Strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has his or her areas of weaknesses and strengths. Usually, with marriage, where one spouse is strong, the other will be weak. Both of you will not be strong or weak in the same areas. It is like positive and negative in electricity — the combination is what produces the light.
A spouse can be a spendthrift, while the other is an impulse buyer. I know one husband who can give out the family finances for the welfare of others just like that. But the wife is the exact opposite. So, they have been managing each other by setting up a spending principle of joint agreement for purchases or assistance to others. It is a perfect mix for them.
Likes and Dislikes. We all differ in our likes and dislikes. This is the reason why two persons do not marry the same type of husband or wife. Some like light-skinned people, while others like black-skinned people. Someone may like a skinny person, while another likes a fat person. So, let every couple stay with their likes and dislikes, without setting it up as standard for all married couples.
For instance, I know a couple where the husband enjoys washing clothes, while the wife enjoys ironing clothes. So, it guides their marital relationship: the husband washes clothes, while the wife does the ironing. Of course, many couples are different in this wise. It would, therefore, be wrong to set their example as a standard for married couples. It is not going to work. That is why what a couple terms as absurd in marriage, is the success point for another one. Each couple should find out what works for them and enjoy their relationship.
Limitations. One big issue in marriage is not knowing when to apply the breaks in relating with one’s spouse. You should know the red line of your spouse and learn never to cross it. This is one problem with nagging. You keep talking and talking until you get on the nerves of your husband or wife.
I know when my hubby cannot take any more pressure. So, I do not push him beyond that point. This is why he cannot go physical with me when we have issues. Some of us get beaten up (though it is a wrong thing to do) just because we have not learned this.
We must be helpers of one another’s joy, rather than provoking the beast in us. Let us help each other to stay sane by learning how to manage our limitations. It is my favourite saying that a person should not be tempted beyond what he or she can bear. After all, constantly dropping a stone wears it out.
S3x preferences. Some of us do not get enough s3x or get s3x-starved because we have not learned how to work through our spouses’ preferences, especially in the area of s3x.
Generally, males differ from females in the way we are wired for s3x. This is one big issue married couples grapple with in their s3x life. For instance, a man’s sex turn-on is instant, while a woman’s is slow. That is why a man is likened to a helicopter, while a woman is described as an aeroplane.
Understanding this helps a couple to enjoy s3x better. Males also differ in terms of this helicopter state. Likewise, women differ in their aeroplane mode. It is like saying different types of helicopters and aeroplanes exist. So, while one woman’s turn-on is her ‘front load’, another one’s turn-on is the ‘back load’. Each husband must, therefore, understand that of his wife and leverage it for the s3xual fulfilment of the couple. The same goes for the wives.
There are other peculiarities which we must understand to enable us to enjoy marriage. Let us pay the price of knowing them so that it will be well with us as married couples.
One thing that we should also not do is to turn these peculiar traits into offensive weapons. Do not call your husband “people’s ATM” because he spends “crazily” or call your wife “stingy tortoise”, because she is conservative in spending. Saying such engenders strife.
We must appreciate and respect our peculiarities and manage them for the success of our marriages.
You can avail yourself of copies of my books ‘Enjoying Great S3x Life’ and ‘How to Help Your Wife Enjoy S3x’. Please, contact 08112658560 for details.
ALSO READ: 2024 UTME: JAMB begins exams for over 1.9 million candidates
Source: